census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
