this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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