My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
