Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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