This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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