Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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