He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
