I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Someone shattered a urinal.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
