Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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