hotel room ftw
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
foreskin is a definite game changer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
