So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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