who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
