ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
