is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
