You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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