DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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