I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize