I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
