Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize