im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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