Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
