Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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