i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
