The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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