You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
