Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
