I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
