Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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