hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize