eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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