I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
