I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
