I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
