i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
