where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
