Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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