some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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