I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize