U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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