nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
