Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
