He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
