I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
