I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
