I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
