i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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