she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
