So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
