Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Boobs are out for the taking
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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