I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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