we have pet lesbian snakes
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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