my mouth tastes like poor choices
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize