They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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