I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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