Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
