ugly people sure do ruin things
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize