Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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