Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
