turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
