Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
