just tell him i said nine months
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
