My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
