Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
