Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
