I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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