Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
