I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
