do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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