she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
